November Ramble

Regardless of all the tee lights and candles, scented, or not, I feel the darkness. Guess it's that time of the year again. We have had no snow yet. It's only naked bare trees surrounded by the murky darkness of November.

Every once in a while the sun comes out. On those days, I go outside feeling happy and smiling. And immediately have tears running down my cheeks, because the sun is so low, the glare of the beams hits you directly in the eyes. The reflections off of poodles and wet asphalt aren't helping. It's painful. I'm sure the sun is sending me a message about how hard it it is to come out way up here in the cold north. I almost shout back at her: "Alright I get it. Fine! You go back into hiding you vicious moody bitch!" But I don't, because even though my eyes are hurting, I feel her warmth, barely, on my face, and it is still healing.

***

Marianne is no longer a puppy *sad panda face* Now, when grumpy old dogs yell(read bark) at her, she'll reply likewise. She no longer throws herself down crying for mercy at tiny adult dogs we meet. She meets their gaze with a gaze of her own; C'mon, you mofos, bring it on, cause I'm not backing off anymore!

She doesn't get over the top excited by leaves blowing in the wind, anymore, either.  It makes me a bit wistful, but at the same time, she's not aggressive towards other dogs, which is good. Nor does she think the neighbour's garden ornaments are dangerous aliens out to get her. She's slowed down, calmed down, heck, she's lazier than I am. " Are we going for a walk, today? No? Goodie! I'll just nap on the sofa a bit more. Lets snore in tandem"


***

I did a proper effort regarding quitting smoking this fall. I got Champix from my doctor and started on them in August. It worked. I had cut down to a minimum and got started on the second stage of pills and freaked out. I was aware of the dreaming weird dreams thing, but this was a whole other game. The dreams turned into nightmares that left me exhausted in the morning. Childhood traumas kept popping up like spiders in a cellar. After a few days of total panic attacks with the sweating, shaking, hyper ventilating, I called the doctor and asked for help. The doctor was kind, sent off a request for therapy - which was denied, btw.

I sat down to think, because I don't normally get panic attacks. I'm usually able to notice them sneaking up and avoid them by change of mind set, etc. This was unfamiliar and scary.

It finally dawned on me - the damn champix pills. I quit and after a few days, the nightmares and the panic attacks disappeared.

So, I'm back to smoking, but I'm not losing my mind. I still have issues that sorely needs to be dealt with. I'll have to find a way to get help with that. Someway. Somehow. Sometime.

I'll just have to quit smoking the hard way, I guess. Ugh! Will have to get my big girl panties on and do it

***

Simen shot his first deer last weekend.  A nice young buck. Clean shot. I'm happy, he and his dadman are ecstatic. Christmas dinner is now fully provided. Which is a good thing, as we'll be the entire  clan Jakobsen this year. Runar and I are cooks, as usual. Dinner is at the inlaws. It'll be fun.

I taught the neigbour farmer up at Vintland how to knit. We're making a patchwork blanket together. Fun. I'm also chrocheting shawls. I've got to use some of the yarn I inherited.

I've broaden my horizon regarding erotic romances. I've read a few kindle books by someone from my AFP Facebook group and they were a lot of fun. Very sci fi, which I liked a lot.
I stumbled onto some BDSM type of audiobooks by going with some of Amazon's recommendations that had Runar die a million deaths. He'd moan, hide his face and claim" Eli, you're killing me!" when he walked in while it was playing on the stereo. Then he'd stop, look at me with an evil, devilish gleam in his eyes, asking "You're into this!?!" That had me freaked out. We agreed on there being something for everyone, out there. Now I'm using ear pieces. No more speakers. Sheesh!

***

My mom fell down and broke her hip this week. She had surgery yesterday. My dad and I are visiting her this afternoon. He wants to ride with me, cause he loves my new car. It's easy for him to get in and out of, and his wheel chair fits easily in the back. He's got issues with his dentures. He's got a denture set for his upper front teeth that keeps falling out while he eats. We've been visiting the dentist at least once a week for a month now, trying to get them fixed. It's tiring for him and painful for my arms/shoulders. He's shrunk a lot this last year, but he's still a big heavy guy and the chair is heavy. We also have to be very careful and mindful with his body, as his meds have thinned his skin to the point where the lightest of touches causes his skin to fall off in big layers. It's scary. He hates being old and fragile. He wants to die, but hangs in there for us girls. I love him. I know it's getting near the time to let him go. I can't talk about that, though. too painful.

Aw Lawdy, I crashed. Books and other sillies

I've been down with a freak bout of inflammations for more than a week. It's my own fault, which made it suck all that more. That exercise class was too much and when I, in one of those I-will-get-this-place-in-order-even-if-it-kills-me type of mood, mowed the lawn, yeah... I crashed. My arms felt as if they'd been through a thresher.[ramble] I had to put away my crochet work, which is a bummer as I only have the sleeves left to do on my jacket project.  After I'm done with this one, I am either going to knit or crochet another one - with thicker yarn - a cardigan type, me thinks[/ramble] Marianne, the physical therapist - texted me today telling me I was welcome to try out another easier class. I'm going to try that - hopefully next week.




I'm better now. Not great, I'm still stiff and achy as hell, but no fever anymore. Huzzah! The last three days I've been able to do some knitting, so I started the jacket to go with the dress I knitted for Frida pre-summer. It's going to be a Christmas present.




Runar's work has been down in a dump for a few weeks, with several loose strands that he hasn't quite been able to tie together. Until this week. He's in Denmark today. He'll probably leave again on Sunday for another project. Things are picking up. Thankfully, as I have a mountain of bills to pay.

Oh, you know the car trouble that didn't got fixed, due to the Volvo shop wanting us to pay our souls for something they couldn't guarantee helped? Runar found a shop that could do the job for less than half the price. They knew exactly what Runar was talking about when the called them and had no problems guaranteeing they'd get it fixed. Hah! Take that Volvo! It does mean that he'll have to drive 4 hours to get there, but they'll provide him with a car while the job is getting done. It is SO worth the drive!

Marianne is officially a young adult. She is in heath and Mother Night, she is one very confused dog. Plus she wants some. Real bad. I swear. She's a friggin' nympho whore. Walks with her is now out of the picture for me alone. Walks without a leash is out of the picture for the boys. It's mindblowing. Another thing that is mindblowing is how much her vagina swells up. I don't know how much you guys know about dogs in heath, but their genitalia swell up a bit. Marianne's swells up A LOT! I swear, she is a vagina with a little face at the other end. Terrifying!

IN OTHER NEWS:

Books

I've plowed through a few books this summer. Here are some I'd like to point out:

Red Rising  by Pierce Brown, a supreme sci fi space opera kind of read. L.O.V.E.D. it!

Theft of swords by Michael J. Sullivan. 1st book in the Riyria Revelations trilogy. It's a classical adventure type of Fantasy read. I totally and completely fell in love with the main characters, but I have to admit that the fact that I bought the audio books, part of why I loved it so much, might be due to the awesome narrator. I am such a sucker for a sexy voice...
PS! There are some free audiobook shortstories on Amazon. The Jester is one.

Skin Game by Jim Butcher, the latest of his Dresden Files series about Harry Dresden, the licensed Gandalf-on-crack wizard of Chicago, Il. . Seriously, if you haven't read any of the Dresden Files, you are missing out on greatness. The audiobook narrator is soooo sexy [Mm Mm Mmm]. My sister, who had previously read about 10 pages of this series and had decided that she definitely did not like this cocky asshat wizard wonder, changed her mind completely this summer after she borrowed one of the books(I have some actual books in addition to the audiobooks, because signed stuff is so fun), to read on the 6 hours' bus ride home.  She is now a Dresden Files Fangirl [evil grin]

 I've also been through some anthologies Dangerous Women and Unfettered, which had some entertaining stories in them.

I'm now listening to The Broken Eye by Brent Weeks. It's boy-coming-to-age type of Fantasy with some interesting twists. I have an ambivalent relationship with this series. I hated the main character so much in book 1, that I could hardly manage to read() on, but even though I still disliked him in book 2, there were some interesting aspects regarding Brent's universe and type of magic and I kind of like the baddies. Now, in book 3, I'm catching myself in actually liking the little SOB. Weird.

I upgraded the kindle version of Shawn's The Dark Thorn to the audio version. I now have it in all possible versions, but I don't care, it's a good story that I won't mind listening to again, whenever I'm out of anything new to read/listen to. Which sort of leads me to my big problem



I need ideas for new reads. I'm desperate for some dystopian, steampunk dark awesomness to dive into when the long rainy autumn nights sets in. Help me out, plz?






PS! Just got a call from Runar. 1.  He's landed a new deal. YAY! 2. He got his ass kicked out of the business class area on the ferry, because he didn't see the QUIET sign and was talking on the phone... GROANY SIGH!

Sounds harsh? Guys, you haven't heard the type of phone-talking this hubby of mine does. Quiet is not a word that abides with Runar. Not even on a good day...

Realizations, Geek-a-Week Card and ...ramble

I watched an episode of Dr Phil today. I knooow, when you sink to the level of watching daytime TV, things are bad. I've been through a bout of bad arthritis. My back has been aching nonstop for about a week, where the right shoulder just locks up every now and then. My mood has been murderous, to say the least, which is why I haven't blogged. Self-censoring is mandatory when I'm going through a period of aching. I become bitchy and angry, my patience is non-existent and even a good ole southern Norwegian "Åååhhrr!" (equivalent of '"Oh!) is said with so much feeling, I am THIS close to getting acid burns on my lips. I kid you not.

Anywho, I watched this show today about some women's addiction to food. Dr Phil told one of them that she used her hubby as an excuse not to mind what she ate and that eating when nobody saw, indicated she lacked integrity on a personal level.

I've realized that I am lacking in the personal integrity department. I am not up to par when it comes to my addictions. I am still struggling like hell with quitting smoking and so far I have only managed to cut down.

I've said it before, I think, addiction to food and addiction to nicotine must be somewhat similar. I guess any addiction is just as ugly and just as difficult to quit.

Runar has bought one of these monstrosities from one of his co-workers, along with two types of fruit tobacco that supposedly are nicotine free. One apple and one grape. They taste and smell nice enough, but the thought of us sitting in the living room puffing on one of these, just doesn't feel right to me.

There are the strong prejudice thoughts that only dopefiends use this, of course, but it's also a case of finding it just so friggin' tacky. I mean, it's a functional proper pipe and it works quite well, but...I don't know, it's just not very ladylike to be sitting puffing on one, now, is it?

Runar says that if we mix ordinary tobacco with the apple/grape mix, it can serve as a weaning off nicotine treatment. It can be our "carrot". If we don't smoke all day, we can share a waterpipe after nine, when we're sure we won't get any visitors. It might work and I will give it a try.

I believe I have to quit smoking alone, meaning I think I have to take the lead and show Runar it can be done. I know that his competitive nature won't be able to handle me quitting, while he is having to admit defeat.

There has been a change of plans with his old job. His notice-period(?) has been cut in half, because they found a replacement quickly and the other boss-lady has agreed to stay on and do the training. This enables Runar to start in the new job in a week, instead of May 1st. Even though his goal was to have quit smoking before starting in the new job, he is waaay too excited and stressed out about it to be able to cut cold turkey.

Why can't you buy willpower and self discipline on bottles?!?

...

I've been reading some new blogs lately. Among others I've read and lauged out loud by the stories this lady writes So Then... Stories and after subscribing and commenting, I received an email asking if she could put my name on her site, since I was her first Norwegian subscriber. She then asked me for my address so she could send me a T-Shirt and a button. I got the T-Shirt the other day and in the letter I was requested to take a photo. So here it is  Georg and I - in my So Then... Stories T-shirt up at Vintland in the snow. I wear wool long sleeved jumper underneath as it was minus 10 C. Georg is on it, because, c'mon, it's Georg. Simen is the photographer and as you see, he is more concerned about getting Georg's face in the photo, than mine. Totally understandable :P

Yesterday I found another letter in the mailbox. From SuperMary (Jenny's fairy Godmother) and TheBloggess telling me I had won a signed Geek-a-Week card.  The letter was also full of fairy dust glitter. Since I opened it sitting by the kitchen table, that means we'll be eating fairy glitter for quite some while, as I was unaware and typically ripped the envelope open and spread that glitter über des allez (This is Cara-German for everywhere). I'm gonna believe it gives me superpowers and will help me quit smoking!

I also realize that I have to pay attention to what I comment on and where I comment. I'm a bit too old to be die-hard fan of celebrities, no? Note to self: GROW UP CARA!

After reading Court's blog, I also realize I need to work on getting a better filing system for important papers. Plastic bags in wardrobes and in cardboard boxes in the attic, isn't very smart and neither is it fireproof. Gulp... It's on my list

PS! Last note confession

I've become addicted to audiobooks. For me, ordering them off http://www.audible.com/ is about half the price than ordering paperbacks from Amazon and it is less than 1/3 of what I have to pay for books in bookstores, over here. To put it in perspective; an audiobook costs me half a packet of cigarettes...yeah...mindblowing, huh?!? I still  have to limit myself to one book a month. I'm afraid I'll go completely nuts, if not. When it comes to books, I'm hopelessly helpless.

PPS!

Ooooh, as you may know, I'm a fan of Amanda F Palmer. On her blog she wrote about her mentor and friend who had cancer http://www.amandapalmer.net/blog/20121106/ and I in a bout of impulsiveness (it's me, after all), wrote Amanda's peeps and asked if I could knit him a pair of socs and if he wanted a pair, what size, colour, etc. What do you know, they got back to me and Anthony got back to me.  I ordered his book Lunatic Heroes waaay back and it finally arrived in my mailbox two days ago! Whee! If you have the money to spare and feel like helping out a truly nice guy, go buy it!  I'll be writing a review of it when I've read it, because I promised to do so.

PPPS!
I'mma stop being a stalker-like-fan. Promise!

Books and knitting. Best kind of escape

I needed an escape for my mind, while my hands are busy knitting, so I ordered Read Country audio book. I have the hard cover and have read it, already. It's just that good.

 The good thing about books, is that they are the perfect escape and/or medicine there is. The good thing about audio books, is that you get to download instantly and start listening right away.

Say one thing for Read Country, say they got it worse than you.




Did I mention I miss summer? I miss summer so bad, it hurts. I want to sit outside up at the farm, listening to some randy audio book and knit and then have hubby walking by, stopping in his tracks, jaw gaping and totally taken aback - for completely different reasons, though - asking: "Did he just say what I think he said?" and I'll have a proper belly-laugh, because there is nothing like a flabbergasted husband on a summer night's eve up on the mountain.