I have hearing dyslexia

I just responded to my son's cussing in a rather bizarre way. Again

First time:

Simen: FAEN! = FUCK!

Me: Ja'a? = Ye'es?

I just somehow translated 'fuck' to 'mom'.

Second time:

Simen: Satan!

Me: G'natt = G'nite

Yeah. I can't even begin to explain this. I have no idea how I could hear it that wrong. It's like I have hearing dyslexia. My son walks into a wall and cusses. I believe he is hitting the wall to get my attention and then calling up: 'mom', or calling up: 'G'nite'.
...my son has a bad habit of walking into door frames, now that I think about it.

In my defense, I have been yelled at by the kids for not paying attention to them when surfing the net, so now I answer whenever I hear them. Not because I'm actually paying attention. I've just programmed my brain to spew out nonsense whenever I hear they're voices. Because obviously I don't listen. ...I would make a terrible defense lawyer.

I called my nephew Georg today. His mother heard it. Ye gods!