Saturday, May 14, 2011

Grandma Crazy

I loved this lady. She has provided me of countless fascinating stories about her life from her childhood in an isolated community way up north where myths and old folklore were still very much alive.  For all her craziness and for all her errors and mistakes, she had a loving heart and worked harder than most people to provide and care for her family all her life. 

There are too many stories about Grandma Crazy to tell them all here, so I've chosen one old and one not so old to give you an inkling of who this bone fide crazy lady was. Most of the time, her craziness was just funny, but she did have a terrible temper and her ....unique view of reality could make things difficult to handle at times. 

This is an older story about her  and this really shows her madness quite well...

It was my daughter's 3rd birthday both grandmas, hubby's sister(then 20)
and hubby's youngest brother(then 8) were at the party.

Well let me for the record inform you that this other grandma - hubby's maternal grandma is this sweet old lady, very religious and very frightened of getting ill - all kind of illness(there's some stories of her as well) ...ooops ok anyway...during this party Grandma Crazy started telling us about her life as a wife on a farm up in the inland mountains (Knaben) when her kids were young.
It started out innocently enough, but ended up in a very colorful and downright perverted story.
I'm not kidding you! She went on and on about how scared she was of going out to the barn where her cow was about ready to calf - cos in her mind she suspected their neighbour of doing it to the cow! she was afraid the calf would have a human head!

I'm telling you, you should have been there! I was behind the kitchen wall on my knees tears streaming down my face, biting on my arm not to laugh out loud while for the life of me, not daring to look over at my hubby who alternated with clasping his hands over his face doing grimaces and fighting the urge to laugh. During this whole story
grandma Sweet was clasping her hands together exclaiming; "oh my", " oh dear" oh..., oh, really" "oh, I'll say" in a shaking voice.

My sister-in-law was shouting and yelling at Grandma Crazy to shut up. My poor
brother-in-law sat numbed between the grandmas with eyes the size of dinner-plates, while my daughter at 3 was too young to understand and happily played with all her new toys.


OK, here's the story of how Grandma Crazy ended up disowning father-in-law and his entire family. 

Hubby's younger brother got married some years ago. They invited his Grandma Crazy- she reclined due to her hearing problems - which is true she uses a hearing device, but doesn't like them and turns them off - but she gave them NOK1500.- and everything was "just dandy"

hubby's younger cousin - the same age as his younger brother and a close buddy since childhood - got married this weekend, and before the wedding Grandma Crazy was bragging about what a wonderful weddingpresent she was giving him. My parents in law asked her how much she was giving them and she told them a coffee set worth NOK5500

They and hubby's uncle and wife asked her to please not treat her grandchildren differently or she would end up hurting them. But to no ends - they were talking to "deaf ears" instead she was deeply wounded and not only ended up giving the expensive present but also attended the whole wedding ceremony and party.

The result being that my parents in law got offended and told her what she had done was wrong and that she was in fact telling my brother in law  that she liked his cousin better. They told her they were angry with her and thought she owed them an apology. 

 You'd think they'd wrongly accused her of murder from all the ado that arised afterwards.

She has now declared war. Let me just tell you that this old lady is 83, she is from up north in norway, she has the foulest mouth  - she cusses worse than a sailor and she is somewhat lacking in empathy - she actually left her childhood girlfriend passed out on the floor when she was very sick with canser. Not only that, but she even got mad at her friend for having the nerve to do that to Grandma Crazy while SHEvisited - I'm not kidding you, she went on and on about it to me afterwards. I couldn't believe my own ears! Worse, she is still mad at her and what she refers to "such rude behaviour"  and the poor old girlfriend is now deseased!

Anyway, Grandma Crazy came visiting the other day!
She wanted my compassion and my support for her being treated so badly by my mother-in-law. She cussed her to 7th hell and back calling her (mannskjit, hespetre, jævla hurpe, etc)  I don't know the English words but "f**ing bitch" is complimentory in comparrison. 

Hubby had to go out on the porch, he can't handle her foul mouth eruptions and wild lies and was afraid he'd grab her and physically throw her out the door. I maintained my calm but as I agree with my inlaws that what she did was wrong, I let Grandma Crazy know as much. Lets say she wasn't exactly happy with me when she left.  

By this time she has turned this whole thing into my parents in law being after her cos they want her money. Good one isn't it?!?  

I tried to tell explain why her actions could seem offensive, but she wouldn't listen to that; "NO! Those no good for nothing *****" she shouted, they didn't want her to be happy, and was only afraid they wouldn't get her money...and so on . She was working herself up to the point of snapping completely. I was a bit scared she would start hitting me with her purse, instead of the furniture. The lady was actually jumping up and down screaming obscenities on top of her voice. I had to stand up and shout "Enough! Grandma, I don't allow such language in my house, please calm down."  She did calm down for 2 min. Her language became so ugly, I had to ask her to leave in the end. I didn't know what else to do, to be honest, so I told her that it would be best if she left and talked to my parents in law about it.

Upon leaving she also wanted me to tell her; "what that old cow in buhølen" (local placename) gave XXX for the wedding. the old cow" being hubby's maternal grandmother. A very sweet and mild spoken lady we call; Grandma Sweet. Grandma Crazy's last words while stomping down the steps was that we could all take a hike and that she no longer considered us her family.

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