Thursday, November 17, 2011

Morning, life and dreaming

We're done with that nasty bug and I've knitted 2.5 more socks, now I'm about to start that guerrilla embroidery. I've only got the picture in the book to go by. I was told there would be instructions and patterns online, but nope, there wasn't any, so this should be fun as I haven't really embroidered anything before since those mandatory lower elementary du-dahs, which I'm not sure can be reckoned as embroidery...

Hubby overslept this morning. Nothing too bad, but enough so that I had to get up and put on the coffee while he got dressed. That black stuff is important for waking up on a good morning, on a morning you oversleep it's essential to survival! Hubby is complaining he has no life. I was happy to enlighten him

Hubby: "My life is only work and sleep. I have no life! [look of doom on his face] And I slept 12 hours(this is true - he came home from work at 6, ate and went to bed), how can I oversleep when I've been asleep for 12 bloody hours?!?"

Me: "You have a life. You're just not aware of it, because you're asleep and last night you were definitely not here."

Hubby: "What?!? What are you rambling on about now? Have a heart, for crissake, it's early morning, pleaaase talk normal speek."

Me: "I am talking normal and you weren't here last night, you were somewhere else living an interesting life. Toasted Toads!"

Hubby: "Eli!" [and he gave me that look that says ~I Swear I'm calling the guys in white to come and get you and we both know they'll never let you out again~ you know, That look]

Me: "When you fell asleep last night you were snoring, loudly. And when I went to bed I tried to ignore the snoring, but you know it's kind of difficult to ignore. I mean you snore LOUDLY. And..."

Hubby: [annoyed] "I snore, yes. Is there a point? If so, get to it, I don't have time for your rambling. I'm late for work"

Me: "Yes! I called your name softly and shook your shoulder to ask you to roll over on your side and you told me quite clearly "Oh, just hit me in the back, that's what Eli used to do!"

Hubby: "eh...and, then what happened?"

Me: "You just rolled over and continued sleeping. Snorelessly."

Hubby: "What did I say, again?"

Me: "Exactly! [raised inquisitive eyebrow] You most definitely was not here and I was most definitely not me, I mean "Eli useD to hit me"? ...I wonder who you thought I was? Do you remember? Was I even still alive? I mean, you must have been doing something very interesting, don't you think?!? "

Hubby: "Wow!" [then he laughed heartedly] "I wonder what I was doing and where I was too"

Then he gave me a kiss, chuckled and left for work and I'm pretty sure he was thinking about his nightly adventure all the way to work, because he called me about an  hour later and asked me

Hubby: "Did I get any?" [we have no phone etiquette when talking to each other. No "hi's", "How're you doing?" we get down to the point and keep it brief.

Me: "Excuse me?!?"

Hubby: "You know, last night in my dream, did I score?"

Me: "How the hell should I know? Besides, I don't think that is a question that is normally asked by the husband to his wife...."

Hubby: "C'mon! You're not normal by any standard, babe, normality does not abide in you and you wouldn't want it to, I'm just curious, I mean I am sure I must have done something fun and interesting...I deserve to have great dream sex"

Me: "Yeah, fun and interesting = having sex, I know, while I'm not normal wifey-standard-wise, you're completely in the middle of normal male-wise ....I am sorry to disappoint you honey, I couldn't tell whether or not you were having crazed out wild sex with a she-monster vagina....but when I think on it, you did snort and chuckle every now and then - you know, the way you snort and chuckle when you're dreaming up an evil plot to conquer the worlds and I wake up to your hand brushing my face while laughing manically and shouting: "Fooled them all, muahahaha, fooled them all!" in a disturbing way...."

Hubby: "Pfft, that was almost 20 years ago and only happened once, I was probably just trying to calm you...and I did come up with a good scheme to play the lottary."

Me: "Yeees, waking up like that was oh, so calming....and I know, that is why we're not millionaires.... "

Hubby: "So, I chuckled? I must have had quite some fun...."

Me: you see, you DO have a life."

Hubby: "hmm..." and he hung up

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