The dreaded meeting with the caseworkers was today and it was worse than I could imagine, by far!
Basically I was told that my mental state of mind is to blame for my health problems and that the social welfare authorities view everyone with the diagnosis; fibro, mental cases that needs to be pushed and forced into sense until they work full time. I was also told that I was clearly too ill to be working any job at all and that I was too ill to take part in any programs. It was highly confusing, but the meeting ended with the caseworker ordering me to stay at home doing nothing but work with my mental state of mind for 6 months and then they would put me through another work training program. Not only would they put me through another program, but this is what they would continue to do until I had come to my senses or was out of their system.
Oh, yes, forgot, I shouldn't take any of it personal, of course.
A short except of our convo:
Caseworker(C): “It's too bad the government stopped our ability to send people like you off to '[Name]', because otherwise we would have sent you off immediately.”
Me: “What is '[Name]', I've never heard of it?”
C: “Oh, it's a treatment center for people with mental issues. We've had huge success with many of our fibro cases back when we had the money for this. We are not allowed to send people there anymore, but you should definitely talk to your doctor and get treatment there, paying out of your own pocket, naturally.”
Me: “I'm not sure I understand.”
C: “You see, people like you, with fibro, they don't think right. You need to be taught to think differently and use your energy differently and this center is quite good at that.”
It's like trudging through syrup with hands and feet shackled. It's an 'every which way but win' type of situation and it's driving me up the walls.
I survived a physical abusive mother through childhood and kept my mental health intact. I survived being raped at 16 and kept my mental health intact. I survived a bipolar husband that became psychotic due to chemical exposure and kept my mental health intact – although it did leave some permanent imprints that I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life. I have now survived fighting the bureaucratic social welfare system since 2007, but I'm no longer sure I'll survive it with my mental health intact...
I will be seeing some specialists regarding rheumatism and psoriasis. If I can get an official diagnosis from specialists that I'm having these illnesses in addition to fibro or that my fibro is just a diagnosis given me, because they didn't know better, I'm suddenly given a completely new hand of cards to play with. If not I think perhaps I will give up, get any type of job full time and work myself into a cripple, or until they put me in an institution for life. I don't think I can handle any more rounds, just can't.