Friday, September 17, 2010

House Imps

Are you familiar with those? Have you ever had things apparently gone missing that you were dead certain was in that drawer or on that table? Not to mention gears such as sport equipment or outfits - you can know where the shin guards are all week, but when your son is getting ready for the match, they're gone. Poof. Nada. You can turn the entire house upside down, go through the laundry basket twice and check cupboards and wardrobes four times without any success. When you've given up and your son has left without them or with a pair that is either too small or too big, they show up right there in front of your nose on the hallway drawer, laughing at yah...or they would have if they'd have a mouth. And going neener, neener at yah...also if they'd have a mouth. I'm talking about those kind of Imps. sneaky little bastards! -glares-

I'm pretty sure they eat single socks too. I mean, you put in a pair of socks in the washing machine - together with other dirty clothes, of course - take them out and put them in the dryer, take them out to fold them...and one sock is missing. You check the dryer, go through the filter system, check the washing machine (when the load you put in there after the sock-load was done is finished), but to no avail. It Is Not There. In my mind there can only be one answer to the question: What happened to that sock? It's been eaten by an Imp, because contrary to what some wiseheads claim, they do not reappear one sunny day smiling up to you from the socks drawer. No. You might as well face it first as last, they are gone. Forever!

I believe firmly that there are more than one Imp residing in my home. There used to be a rather vicious Imp living in my old fridge. Some days I feared the damned thing would come after me and attack me, literally. It moaned, churckled and banged. Loudly. The banging was really scary, because after it had been giving off these loud banging noises, it would go eerily silent, sometimes it would give one last bang after a relatively short time, then back to eerily silence. Just that you could never be quite sure when it would do that, which made you sit and wait for that last bang for quite some time, hunched up and slightly grimacing, because obviously you did expect it to die violently any time, any never did. We threw it out and replaced it with a new one. It's in refrigerator heaven now and happily exchanging stories with the other discarded fridges, I assume.

That particular Imp that used to live there didn't go away with the fridge, though. No. It moved into our coffeemaker. Now it moans and churckles loudly, but it hasn't started banging yet. I'm serious. I feel like Harry Dresden does around electric equipment. I turn it on and remove my presence immediately after having pushed the 'on' button of fear that my presence will hex it and it'll explode in my face, or something. It sounds very unhappy to say the least. Actually it sounds pissed as hell, toasted toads!

I haven't given any of them any names. Yet, at least. I call the one residing in my kitchen appliances demonic, but -shrugs- I guess they, being fae, they're all demonic in a sense, perhaps... If I was to give the one in the kitchen a name, I'd go for Murphy. Definitely a Murphy.

So, how about it, do you have house Imps? Know any good exorcism spells for pesky house Imps?


  1. Obviously it eats single socks. There is no other explanation.

  2. We have a pretty vile sock monster in our dryer

  3. I hear those sock monsters can be pretty nasty!