Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Okay, sort of an update

Things are still a bit 'bob-bob'. There are no catastrophes happening, it's just really hard keeping my head above water, being the strong, positive force giving support and energy to everybody around me when all I want is to go into hibernation until things get better, or easier.

I can't really bring it all up here as my blog isn't private and I have to keep that in mind

Money issues are a bitch even on the best of days. I am the one in this household who manages the bills, loans, insurance, etc. The first 3-4 months of the year are always tough, because that is when the big nasty bills regarding electricity, municipal taxes and national road taxes are due on top of the regular nasty bills. This year has been worse, because all our savings are gone. (confirmation party for son, driver's license for daughter and a wedding abroad all in the same year, have a funny way of eating up savings).

Hubby is more than grumpy about our finances and is looking for a scapegoat. Since he refuses to have anything to do with planning and dealing with our finances, it's my job to try figure out how to make money last. Sadly I lack any magic abilities to create money from nothing. Hubby thinks that's the least I could do as he thinks it's my fault we're in this mess as I'm the one whose health didn't keep up.... and things are still at a stand still with my disablement and my insurance, which sux beyond sucking. I'm making calls, I'm checking up on caseworkers, doctors, etc, decisions have been made yet, no payments are ready yet. Hubby and I are having these wonderful and fulfilling [Yes, I am being sarcastic] discussions about who's more to blame these days.

I'm aware that I'm not the breadwinner, particularly the last 5 years with 40% cut off from my already low paid wages. Which are low, mind you, because I had to pick a job where I could leave at 4 pm to pick up the kids at daycare/school(because you claimed that was a woman's responsibility) and those jobs don't grow on trees and neither are they well paid.

I understand that it sux to work full time and never having any extra for personal spending, but hey, that's the norm for most of us, right? It's not like I have ever had that luxury. Well, yes, I HAVE purchased books, but that is money I have taken from the clothes budget, besides, if we compare hobbies, I'd say my 5 books a year is far cheaper than your guns and ammo. Yes, I am aware that you hunt and OCCASIONALLY, bring home dinner, 4 ducks in two years and a rabbit if you take credit for your son's kill as well as your own, HALLELUJAH! [Yes, still dripping sarcasm]

Latest issue on the who-is-to-blame-the-most-for-all-our-misery contest is smoking. Aye, that's one I'm guilty of charge at. I smoke tobacco. I shouldn't smoke at all, I know. Even though I smoke half of what hubby does, it doesn't really matter. I have health issues that doesn't get better with me smoking. Will they get better when I quit smoking completely? I really doubt it, but I do know my general health and well being will benefit from quitting.

Thing is, quitting smoking is a personal thing for me. I don't want to do it when somebody else says so, or the way somebody else tells me to. I want to quit when I want to quit, how I want to do it and I don't want to be responsible for anybody else quitting or not. period. Hubby wants me to quit first and he wants to control the when and's stupid.  Am I using him as an excuse to keep on smoking. Probably. I know I need to just block out his words and actions and just do it, but dawg gone it, I'm a mere morta just as he is. He wants to be proud of me, he says.....he should have married superwoman or a mutant.

No, we're not getting divorced. When you've been married for 20+ years the idea of actually divorcing your spouse seems more work than just riding the storm till it ends....because it will end. It always does. At least it has done so for us....I can't really speak for others

And we can even make temporarily truces, like we did on Saturday. We decided to put everything aside for the day and took the dog and went hiking in the woods. Did us worlds of good and we had a nice evening too. 'Nudge, nudge, know what I mean?'  and all that jazz.  I'll get some pictures up when I get around to uploading them to the computer.  We haven't worked it all out, but at present we're not fighting either....

1 comment:

  1. I agree. It is easier, and more fulfilling to stay married. When the good times come, Hallaluiah!

    As always, you are in my prayers.