Friday, April 12, 2013

Sometimes an inch is just enough

I've been and I am struggling with the beast of depression these days. (As if you haven't already noticed by the whiny self-pitying garbage I posted last - My apologies). I don't have a shrink, not because I don't believe they do a lot of good, but because I don't feel comfortable with them. I don't take antidepressants, not because I don't believe in them, but because I fear being medicated more than I fear depression itself. I'm stubborn, set in my ways and like to do things my way. It's just how I roll.

I know that forcing myself to be physically active, socializing and keeping up with my daily routine is a means to fight depression that actually works. Sometimes I set myself goals that are simply too high for my general state of mind and health. The ghost of high expectations is a tough mistress to please, indeed. I'm sure you've met her a time or two. She gets around.

Yesterday, all I really wanted was to get back to bed and hide under my blanket. Even the news were enough to tear me up. It was as bad as it gets. I spent most of the day trying to figure out a way to sneak out of an agreement I'd made with my best friend, Ellen. I was to join her and some colleagues of hers and go to a concert. I hadn't been to a concert in years. I hadn't been out with my friends for more than a year. This was a big thing and something I really looked forward to. Until a week ago.

I was a complete mess and in my mind I was not fit for the rest of the world at all. I was a walking disaster and out there all kinds of disasters were waiting around every corner. A collusion of nuclear dimensions was just waiting to happen. I was dead certain of it.

I also knew that if I stripped away everything that was not completely rational and logical, this was exactly what I needed.

I ended up going. I think it saved my sanity

Anne Grete Preus is a female artist and a total wizard on guitars. She rocks with electric guitars and a band and she rocks alone with an acoustic. Last night was only her and her guitars.  She's not everybody's cup of tea, but her songs are honest and they have meaning. Most of her songs are of the melancholy type and I had to work so fucking hard not to have a complete breakdown. I didn't. I clutched my glass of wine, praying it wouldn't shatter and focused on breathing in and out a few times, yes, but the glass held. I held. I went home feeling better than I have in a long time.

One song in particular spoke to me last night. It resonated with the strings in my brain and her words rang true. Because sometimes an inch is just enough.  

She sings in Norwegian. I pretended I was a ninja and translated a couple of her songs. They are more or less impossible to translate, but since I pretended I was a ninja, I pretended that was not so and gave it a go anyhow.

I searched Youtube and found a clip of her singing at a gay Accept concert. Anne Grete herself is gay and married the woman of her dreams a while back. (PS! the song starts at 0:56 for those who don't want to listen to Nøøørwish)

An Inch(Millimeter)

You can mount the highest mountain to explore your inner strenght
or study law for years and years to sit on the laywer's bench
Sharpen up your mind
Reading books by the miles
 Or working hard to afford floors of golden tiles
 
Ref:
But sometimes, sometimes an inch is just enough
Low and lite has more power than much, full and a lot
 Sometimes, sometimes an inch is just enough
One little inch enough

You can long for an eternity after long, humid nights
Or long for true love even with your cards held tight
Never find peace and rythm here
allways looking round the next bend
believing that others' praise is not another word for pretend
 
But sometimes, sometimes an inch is just enough
Low and lite has more power than much, full and a lot
Sometimes, sometimes an inch is just enough
One little inch enough
A single moment an eternity
Depends on your perspective
A single little clever thought
can change how you will percive it
The art is to hold your head high and keep your back free

        
But sometimes, sometimes an inch is just enough
Low and lite has more power than much, full and a lot
Sometimes, sometimes an inch is just enough
One little inch enough

Sometimes, sometimes an inch is just enough
One little inch enough

...

Ain't that the truth of it. Sometimes an inch is enough. Only one little inch enough, perhaps, but enough all the same. It doesn't matter if you can't be the best, the fittest, the strongest, etc. Sometimes being just good enough, just fit enough and just strong enough to get you by is enough. The art lies in holding your head high.

Food for thought, huh?

Be proud of what and who you are, not what and who you could have been if only...



PS! I'm letting the artist know I've done a ninja-translation of her song. If she doesn't like it or prefers it removed, this post will be deleted.  

 

6 comments:

  1. Du er den beste mammaen i verden *hug*

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    1. *hugs tight* Veldig gla i deg, golle!

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  2. You really are! *hugs* Fuck depression. I hate it. I'm so glad you decided to go out to the concert, sometimes an inch really is all you need!

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    1. Thank you. Yes, fuck that beast to seventh lower hell and back! I'm glad I went too. I may be in the pit of doom, still, but I've reached the edge and I'm hanging on. I'll get up and out one inch at a time ;-)

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  3. Cara, what an inspiring song to share! And YOU are an inspiration -- for bitch-slapping that f***ing depression and going out on the town anyway! Great job! -- Darcy

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  4. Thank you, Darcy. That means a lot =)

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