Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Oh well

The reduction of more than 80.000 NOK a year is a fact. There is nothing to do with that but reduce our spending equally and or earn more money. How we're supposed to do that, I'm not sure of right now, but it h as to be done, simple as that. According to the new rules for disablement benefit, I am to get an average yearly amount based on all the years I've worked since I was born. There is nothing wrong with that. I was stupid, that's all. Too stupid and kind to be frank.. I got married and had kids early, I didn't have a full time job before the kids came along. because I was still in school.  Apart from the last 7 years I worked, I had part time jobs, because I wanted to 'do the right thing' and take care of the kids and the home. Because I married a man equally young and immature, and because he got exposed to nasty chemicals in his job, ending up very sick mentally and physically, I ended up taking care of the kids and the home alone, plus having to deal with a husband who was seriously fucked up.

And because I'm too stubborn for my own good, even though I wasn't strong enough to deal with it all, I just pushed myself and kept on going until I got too sick to function at all. this view I guess I deserve all the shite and the punishment is a ridiculously low benefit and a ruined health.

I am, thankfully allowed to work some, I'm allowed to earn about 79.000 per year. I have already emailed the one company I had a deal with regarding translation work. I will have to try to get more work. I will have to somehow magically avoid getting too sick to work and I will have to try sell what I knit/sew.

We are able to save a lot of money on quitting smoking - I guess I needed the knife on my throat to actually quit - and luckily the E-cigarettes just arrived, so there is no excuses left. Hubby, who has got a killer cold - the kind only men get - is presently in bed and will use today and tomorrow in bed smoke-free while he is more or less unconscious from fever and snot. We don't really have a choice, so we'll manage to quit this time around.

I want to roll up in a fetal position, cry my eyes out and die in self pity, but I can't. I have a family to take care of. they shouldn't have to suffer for my mistakes. They shouldn't be punished because I'm not strong enough or healthy enough. Right now, everything sux, but we'll get through this. We've b een in rough weathers before, and likely we'll end up in rough weathers again, I'm sure.


  1. I am praying for you. I sent you an envelope. The contents won't help much, except to make you smile a little about friendship. I understand; I am dealing with similar things. Last night, the pain brought tears to my eyes, but I was more upset about how sick my daughter was. She was better this morning. Love you!

  2. Thank you, Eileen.

    I can't believe you sent something off to me. You really, truly shouldn't!

    I hope your knee is getting better.