Monday, November 5, 2012


A friend invited me to one of those home parties last week. I hate all of those, but since I hadn't seen her in almost a year, I thought this was a good opportunity to get to see her and get an update on what was going on in her life. She's had health issues, some of them similar to mine and she's got a son the same age as Simen.

We used to hang out a lot a few years ago when both our sons and we practiced karate. She lived on a mountain farm and Simen loved to stay there during weekends. When I had to quit karate and Simen chose soccer practice above karate practice, we sort of lost contact, because of them living an hour away and the boys belonging to different school areas.

The home party was just as annoyingly boring as they always are, but it was nice getting to meet her and her grown up daughters, that I hadn't seen for a while. They were all doing well. The party was ending and I was getting ready to leave, when she subtlety asked me to stay behind for a bit. It was already late, but I figured there was something she needed to talk to me about, so I waited. What she told me was so shocking and depressing, I am still out of sorts.

Her son got into drugs and dropped out of school. He's been dealing and stealing with some of the worst scum in town. Naturally he owes a lot of money. Naturally they've threatened to kill him and naturally they've called her and threatened to kill him and her other children and grand children - these people are scum without honor as most drug addicts and dealers are - naturally she's given all the money she has and then some.

She knows giving into their threats aren't a good solution and that it won't help her son, but I'm not sure I'd be able to do differently if someone called while torturing my child and yelling that they're about to kill him and all you hear are screams of terror and agony... She's tried the child service, she's tried the doctors, she's tried the police.

Nobody can help her, because he is 17. Even though he is an underaged kid he is old enough that the child service can't  force him to seek treatment unless he does it willingly. He's a fracking drug addict. His addled mind is not capable of seeking help. This, apparently, makes no difference. What is wrong with this country?!?

Doctors can't do anything for the same reasons. It doesn't matter that he is underage. It doesn't matter that they have deemed him dangerously psychotic and in dire need of mental treatment in a closed institution. It doesn't matter that he in his most desperate moments have begged her to have him institutionalized to save him from himself and that she's been guarding him for 3 days straight to avoid him getting more drugs before doctor appointments to do just that. As long as the kid changes his mind and tells the doctors that he doesn't want to be put up for treatment, there is nothing she can do about it. What the fuck is wrong with this country?!?

The police can't do anything until he commits a serious crime and is put away to prison. There are treatment options in prisons. WTF?!?

Her health is worsening at a rapid speed. She's lost 35 kg since last I saw her. She's wasn't a big lady when she was relatively healthy, she's only skin and bone now.

She and her oldest daughter had worked nonstop for two weeks to get her son to agree to another doctor's appointment. They've been monitoring him, making sure he's eaten, making sure he's stayed alive. Chased away drug dealers. They were told that there was a possibility for them to get him forcibly admitted to a psychiatric institution. It was her last hope. They got him to the appointment. They thought, this was it. Finally it'll be over. Alas, he was sent home, the doctor told them that they would only be able to keep him for 48 hours as he wasn't suicidal enough.

I asked Simen about him. He told me that he was completely crazy and drugged out of his mind most days. He hadn't told me, because he knew it would upset me and he knew his mom already knew about it. He had talked to him on the bus the other day and all he had talked about were devils and saving the lambs of Jesus.

I talked to her on the phone after that last doctor's appointment. I transferred her some money for gas and food. I'll visit her today with bags full of groceries. I have no idea how to help her. I can't give her any more money. I can't save her boy. She's so desperate she's guilt tripping everyone around her, demanding they help her save her boy. I'm not sure I'd be any different if I were in her shoes...

I remember him as a bright kid. A somewhat hyper kid with ants in his pants, but incredibly smart and bright. He has ADHD, it may have been an extra trigger for him seeking out drugs, but not necessarily. He started hanging out with some boys who'd been in and out of foster homes. It may have been a trigger, but not necessarily. Sometimes there are clear answers to why kids start taking drugs, but not always.

Drugs are ugly and viscous. They ruin not only the lives of the drug addicts, but everyone around as well. I HATE DRUGS!  


  1. Oh my goodness, that's awful. It's so sad to have to watch someone self destruct like that. I think over here we would throw them into rehab, but it won't help if he doesn't want to get clean.

    *hugs and good thoughts*

  2. I hurt for you and your friend and will pray, because I can do no other. Until recently, the thought that any medical institution would turn away a patient was inconceivable here. The so-called "Affordable Health Care Act" has now made rationing a very real possibility for us as well. Also, the simple fact that he was taking drugs would invite police interest to the point of action. The extortion by the drug dealers is also against the law here, as if dealing drugs weren't illegal enough. We in the US still have the last resort of moving thousand of miles from the source of the problem. Sometimes trouble follows, but usually it can't. Finally, there are non-governmental treatment options and patient-run help groups that use behavior modification and re-educational alternatives.

  3. It has nothing to do with rationing and it definitely has nothing to do with OBAMA. You can be against Obama as much as you like, but I don't accept any anti Obama, anti gay marriage, or anything similar here - My blog, my rules!

    It has to do with our laws for forcing children older than 13, but still underage(under 18) to treatment for mental health issues, or addictions without their assent.

    . We have the same type of treatments, resorts and offer addicts a new start away from their old 'friends' and habits, but without a teenager's assent we can't force them into treatment programs. There are loopholes, like there being an overwhelming danger of suicide. We can't force an adult with severe mental issues into treatment either, without their assent. Adolescents between 13 and 18 are reckoned adults when it comes to being institutionalized for mental related treatment.

    It is a good thing in most instances, but there are gray areas and this is such a one. Result; everybody hurts =(

  4. I know, thinking of him as we knew him, it is a big W.O.W. :(