I don't want to be Norwegian anymore!
I'm so ashamed and I apologize on behalf of all my countrymen and women. It's ridiculous. We're even on the Colbert report
And the worst part is that it is all true. At least to a certain extent. The shelves are full of all kinds of margarine based and olive oil based butter, but we're out of two specific types of butter
All because the Norwish peeps have suddenly gone insane, or stupid, or both over this hyped up High Fat Low Carb diet shite.
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD, ALL THE HIGH FAT LOW CARB DIETS IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE WILL NOT HELP YOU LOOSE WEIGHT ANY FASTER THAN GETTING OFF YOUR LAZY BUTTS AND EXERCISE!
And cut out the sweets, which is almost impossible, I know, but there you have it and you know it. Deep down. Inside. That voice you do your best to mute. You can admit it. Not out loud, but to yourself.
...You don't even have to exercise all that much, either, as long as you MOVE your body - as in using your limbs.
I'm no genius, far from it, but even I know this as a fact. The more you eat the more you have to move your body. It's as simple or complicated as that!
I blame the Swedes! More specifically this guy Dr Fedon Lindberg I bet this guy is sitting at home in his living room rubbing his hands together laughing manically:
"MUAHAHAHAHA FOOLED YOU ALL, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!"
And making annoying 'Ka-c$hing' sounds to his wife - if he's married - constantly and she has to praise him, because he does bring in the money, while she's secretly planning a long vacation, alone, somewhere nice where nobody knows her, or her husband, or his diets and she's not planning on going home again anytime soon, because she really hates his diet and she wants to eat whatever she herself chooses to eat without him commenting on how many high fat low carb points there are and she can eat dinners consisting of only imported potatoes from Sweden with olive oil based margarine on them and breakfasts of sliced bread with raspberry jam and coffee while reading her newpaper in delightful silent bliss.
(I don't really blame the Swedes(or Fedon), or hate them any more than others, but as a proper Norwish person, it's my duty to hate you a little...just is. It's a tradition. Don't take it personally :P)
I mean...seriously? What's gotten into people?!? It's like they're all hypnotized into zombie-like dieters.
They sell butter on the black marked for more than $80. That's 80 bucks for half a kilo butter for chiissake! When will they start murdering people?
Still, this is just plain ole stupidity. Or wishful thinking, if you will. It's so much easier to believe in a magic diet that will remove all extra kilos without too much hard work and effort. I understand that very well. It's human. We've let ourselves be fooled by con artists and quacks since the dawn of time.
So we're out of butter. Big deal. I can't help but ask: Who really cares? It's not like it's the end of the world. It's annoying and inconvenient, but in a larger picture, it's nothing!
But this is not the reason why I don't want to be a Norwegian anymore. It's embarrassing as hell and it makes me ashamed, yes, but it doesn't make me want to emigrate, hide in a corner pretending I'm invisible or deny my nationality vehemently, claiming I'm an alien eating babies for breakfast and should be locked in a dark prison in Antarctica.
No. This is why:
PLEASE, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY OUT THERE, ADOPT ME!