Thursday, December 15, 2011

Norwegian butter shortage



I don't want to be Norwegian anymore! 


I'm so ashamed and I apologize on behalf of all my countrymen and women. It's ridiculous. We're even on the Colbert report



And the worst part is that it is all true. At least to a certain extent. The shelves are full of all kinds of margarine based and olive oil based butter, but we're out of two specific types of butter


This one; Bremykt - a 70% butter and 30 % rapseed oil product (my favorite, but that's beside the point)

And

This one; Tine Meierismør a 100% pure butter product with added D-vitamins.


All because the Norwish peeps have suddenly gone insane, or stupid, or both over this hyped up  High Fat Low Carb diet shite.

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD, ALL THE HIGH FAT LOW CARB DIETS IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE WILL NOT HELP YOU LOOSE WEIGHT ANY FASTER THAN GETTING OFF YOUR LAZY BUTTS AND EXERCISE!

And cut out the sweets, which is almost impossible, I know, but there you have it and you know it. Deep down. Inside. That voice you do your best to mute. You can admit it. Not out loud, but to yourself.

...You don't even have to exercise all that much, either, as long as you MOVE your body - as in using your limbs.

I'm no genius, far from it, but even I know this as a fact. The more you eat the more you have to move your body. It's as simple or complicated as that!


I blame the Swedes! More specifically this guy Dr Fedon Lindberg  I bet this guy is sitting at home in his living room rubbing his hands together laughing manically:

"MUAHAHAHAHA FOOLED YOU ALL, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!"

And making annoying 'Ka-c$hing' sounds to his wife - if he's married - constantly and she has to praise him, because he does bring in the money, while she's secretly planning a long vacation, alone,  somewhere nice where nobody knows her, or her husband, or his diets and she's not planning on going home again anytime soon, because she really hates his diet and she wants to eat whatever she herself chooses to eat without him commenting on how many high fat low carb points there are and she can eat dinners consisting of only imported potatoes from Sweden with olive oil based margarine on them and breakfasts of sliced bread with raspberry jam and coffee while reading her newpaper in delightful silent bliss.

(I don't really blame the Swedes(or Fedon), or hate them any more than others, but as a proper Norwish person, it's my duty to hate you a little...just is. It's a tradition. Don't take it personally :P)

I mean...seriously? What's gotten into people?!? It's like they're all hypnotized into zombie-like dieters. 
They sell butter on the black marked for more than $80. That's 80 bucks for half a kilo butter for chiissake!  When will they start murdering people?



Still, this is just plain ole stupidity. Or wishful thinking, if you will. It's so much easier to believe in a magic diet that will remove all extra kilos without too much hard work and effort. I understand that very well. It's human. We've let ourselves be fooled by con artists and quacks since the dawn of time. 

So we're out of butter. Big deal. I can't help but ask:  Who really cares? It's not like it's the end of the world. It's annoying and inconvenient, but in a larger picture, it's nothing!

But this is not the reason why I don't want to be a Norwegian anymore. It's embarrassing as hell and it makes me ashamed, yes, but it doesn't make me want to emigrate, hide in a corner pretending I'm invisible or deny my nationality vehemently, claiming I'm an alien eating babies for breakfast and should be locked in a dark prison in Antarctica.

No. This is why:




AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

PLEASE, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY OUT THERE, ADOPT ME!








7 comments:

  1. Did you really have to ruin everyones day like this ?? LOL

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  2. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DON'T TAKE MY BUTTER!!!!!

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  3. :-( I'm sorry you don't have any butter. Seems like an odd thing for a "diet."

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  4. We aren't really out of butter, we've got a shortage on two types of butter, that's all. The stores get butter, just not quite enough to go around, so they quickly run out of it. There is some kind of mass hysteria thing going on. People panic buy enough butter to last them months. Naturally the stores run out of butter even faster. The whole thing is rather silly.

    I've got enough butter and I know when my local grocery store get dairy product delivered, so I will be able to get all the butter I need. And if I don't I can choose one of the countless other types.

    Countess, I agree, it does seem like an odd thing for a diet. I'm afraid I don't know much about it. I don't know much about Atkins diet either.

    Apparently, Dr Lindberg has introduced this diet in the States as well, as Dr Greek diet. Beware or the same butter hysteria will happen in your neck of the woods as well :P

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  5. They had better not mess with our butter, or Paula Deen will be raising hell.

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  6. If it is Greek, why are they not using olive oil? Butter, and butter substitutes, are not all that healthy as a main ingredient in any diet.

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  7. I know, 'Get thin by eating butter' doesn't really make sense to me. I don't know anything about this diet and I don't know anybody close that is on it, who I can ask about it either. The link takes you to a Fedon diet site that has an English option on the top right. Perhaps they explain...

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